Friday, January 11, 2019

The way it is!!!

It's been a while since my last post like usual. I have been busy working on my health I have spent some time since the middle of June until now and continuing that has allowed me to lose 60 lbs. and gain some strength in my legs. For someone who spent a large part of her adulthood in a wheelchair that is amazing. I am up to walking 3 minutes on the treadmill each day though I DIDN'T MAKE THAT HAPPEN TODAY. The first day I didn't make that happen for myself since I got my treadmill for Christmas. I have been working on quitting smoking but my heart just isn't in it. If I can just maintain where I am at would be good. I am smoking less than ten cigarettes a day. around 4 or 5 a day. I am sure that I can get along through the winter on that level as I smoke outside and it is darn cold here in Michigan. Today it was a balmy 21 degrees. My nose hairs were freezing as I was smoking, lol. I know to much information. I digress, to get back to my main subject. I am still clean and sober and it has been 91days today since my relapse this last fall. I almost didn't make it back from this last fall from grace but I did make it back. Thanks to parents who care (sometimes to much) and a support team that is stable and loving. I go to NA and am an active member, I enjoy NA. I really like the meetings that I attend. I had to find handicap assessable meetings and that isn't easy to find in my area. I even had to travel to Canada as I live on the border to find handicap assessable meetings, but it is worth it and it keeps me clean from the drugs. I have so many regrets about this last go round that I have no other way to put than I feel guilty as hell for the things that I did and the people I hurt. Including myself. I watched a friend OD in the front seat of my car and if I hadn't taken him to the hospital when I did he would have died. Writing about this gets me all up in my head so I better shut up for now. But I will tell you more another time. Until then I hope everyone has a very peaceful and blessed existence. To all those hurting remember that you can give the hurt over to your higher power and let go of it and let him deal with it so that you can learn to live without the burden on your back. Take care all....Peace, Happiness, and Ice Cream....Alex

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